I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
