i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
