i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
