I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
