ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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