Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Randomize
