remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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