Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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