dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
My ATM looks so different sober.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
