WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Randomize
