I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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