I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Randomize
