you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
