Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
youre lurking in front of me
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize