I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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