just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
