Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
