His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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