In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
