I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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