Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm sobbing to NWA
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Randomize
