whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
He told me they were just razor bumps!
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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