Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
