there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
