piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
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