Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Randomize
