lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
