We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
