did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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