maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
