$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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