i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
