I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
