How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
