didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
If catching your vomit in my hands while swimming in a bath tub full of it doesn't make us best friends, I don't know what will
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Randomize
