yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
