I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
