Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I deserve this hangover.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
