Lets evaluate? U kissed one boss and lef twith another man. I cock teased the other, hardcore had a tongue jammed down my throat, made out w aa third then left in a cab w alex w them all yelling at me and offering rides. My cheek was also licked and bitten by 2 other men and we almost made out (u and me) because they asked. were hired.
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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