i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
