She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Randomize
