Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
