Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Dude they have ski ball. Anywhere that has skiball is bound to be bangin.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize
