No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
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