I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
My life is pants optional.
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