if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
Quick, to the slutcave!
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
