maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Terrible idea I love it
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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