oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
