wat bout pragnant strippers??
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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