At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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